having gone through a long period of time, having felt so uncreative and so one dimensional lately, i’ve been feeling like all my creativity and how i see the world and appreciate it is based on a million different individual’s interests and thoughts that those individuals have passed on to me. i truly give credit to my friends for my creativity and interests, but until now, i’ve never really solely acknowledged myself as a factor to my own thoughts, my writing, and my art. i sometimes feel so mediocre because of this sense of artificiality, but i just read something extremely inspiring that really changed my mind on this whole internal battle i’ve been having with myself (as cheesy as this sounds). The act of observing, interpreting, “fan-girling”, in itself is a completely different form of art. how i see the world and react to the things people have shown me are completely unique in a way. like i’m sure no one dances the way i do to partition by beyonce but i’m sure people feel as much as a diva as i do when i listen to it. it’s just the process of indulging yourself in books, art, writing, and the world that makes it so special and unique to yourself (the whole message of this post is I’M NOT A PHONY AFTER ALL). gonna end this with some a quote that verifies what i’ve been saying and i think i just have to remember that i am a part of this huge world outside my head, outside of high school, and even outside of this sometimes ridiculous city. this world is huge and full of wonder and one really never loses this sense of exploring the world’s wonder if he or she realizes that it’s the experience of observing/living through something that makes one truly unique and different and not a complete “fake” as some kids at my school would say.
"Tonight I love you in a way that you have not known in me: I am neither worn down by travels nor wrapped up in the desire for your presence. I am mastering my love for you and turning it inwards as a constituent element of myself." - Jean Paul Sartre to Simone de Beauvoir